What NOT To do In A Horror Film

26 October 2015

Halloween - it's the time to celebrate all things scary and spooky, and the season of horror. Over the years, I've made my dislike for horror very clear. I can not watch horror films. Why? Because I imagine myself in the victims positions', being hunted down by a nameless creature with no moral compass. Gosh if that isn't 
terrifying enough, horror films make you feel like you're on the verge of the end of your life, which you can't help but remember before you go to sleep. Every ... single ... detail. Yup - I'm not having nightmares for weeks on end thank you very much.  

But thanks to my lovely wonderful friends over the years, I have been forced to endure the terror of these movies year after year. During that time, I couldn't help but notice so many amateur mistakes. Seriously, are these characters trying to kill themselves on purpose? So in celebration of all things spooky, here are a few tips of what not to do in a horror film. A survival guide if you will.

Do not by any means ....

Follow that noise

I do not understand this logic. Don't be a moth to a flame. You are going to get burnt so hard because you walked right into the demon's trap. And you know what's worse, you did it willingly. Unless you have magical powers to save yourself, don't think about it. Oh and also - don't you dare ask "Hello? Anybody there?" You are letting the enemy know right where you are. Just packaged neatly to be killed right then and there.

Go into the basement alone
A place with no windows, and with very little - if any - light, doesn't that seem like the perfect place for monsters to hide? Especially if you've never paid a visit to the basement before - that's just golden! Who knows what creepy things are down there? Plus it's rooted deep down inside the house, so it's not going to be the most easiest place to get out now is it? Going down there is not a good idea. Turn back and wait. Best to find out in the morning with an army by your side.

Decide to contact dead spirits
They may have died, but that doesn't mean that they can't astro-project into this universe and haunt you till the end of time. I don't know about you, but my idea of having a good time is not proving that I'm not a scaredy-cat by calling on spirits, and summoning trouble to my life. I'll admit it to all my friends with a death wish - I am scared of spirits. They are not of this world. You do not mess with stuff like this. Nope. My cautiously scared nature is going to save me from doom, thank you very much.

Trust random strangers you've met
Remember that really helpful guy you just met at the coffee shop conveniently before the 'disappearances' started happening? Or even that new friendly neighbour down the street, who seems like such a delight? Yeah, don't trust them so quickly. If they can appear that quickly into your life, imagine how quickly they can turn around and destroy yours. Do not trust anybody, especially if they haven't given you any reason to. 

Visit a cemetery in the dead of night
The worst possible idea on the night of All Hallows Eve is to go into a cemetery full of dead restless souls. Hello - they are thirsty, eagerly waiting for fresh young blood like yourselves to seek revenge on. You are prey - they want you for all the wrong reasons. You are going to get killed. Seriously, avoid the cemetery like the plague. Just the same, it reeks of death and despair.

So, what would you not do in a horror film?

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