I'm homesick for a place that just doesn't exist. My heart lies divided in two places. The place I grew up in, and the place I live in. They both hold memories dear to me. My childhood home holds my friends and my family. Those evenings we spent by the park, playing around the swings and talking about moments in our teenage lives. Those days spent watching movies around the dinner table, with a bowl of my mother's homemade chilli popcorn shared between my parents and I. Now my world holds the independence I always longed for, but never could find in that old hometown of mine. It comes with it's own structure and responsibilities - words my young teenage-self use to avoid like the plague. Instead of waiting for my mother's home made dinners, I create my own with recipes I've discovered on the internet. I make my own flavours with sauces and peppers from the local supermarket across the road. Life is different now. I love it. I do. But then ...
Then comes the feeling of nostalgia. Old friends and places I no longer can visit. Roads that use to be 10 minutes away - within the grasp of my feet - are now three hours away, down a long road which I can not follow. Going back wouldn't help - since people are scattered and following their own path miles away. So I look ahead and find unfamiliar but friendly faces to converse with and become companions on the journey ahead. We talk and we laugh - long hours into the night. With words spoken, and thoughts unsaid. Memories in the making, changing our statuses from acquaintances to friends over time. It does not replace, but it helps to erase, that lingering ghost that calls me to look upon my shoulder, at memories from years before. I still reminisce, but not as much as before. This place I'm living in is slowly becoming my home.
So torn between the world I live in and the world I grew up in. I'm missing a place that doesn't truly exist anymore. So I call up my friends in this new town I've been calling home, and decide to have a movie marathon till 2am to take away these home felt blues. And in those moments I know, it'll pass. As I look upon the faces of the people I have come to know, I feel a tenderness that can only be described as being home. And then I truly know. That one day, I no longer will be homesick. I'll just be content with this small little place I've come to live.
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Inspired by my own university experience, I decided to create something that was poetically reminiscent of that time frame of when you're in transition. That period of time, when you've moved to a new town - far from your hometown - and are being to create a new life there. Even if you haven't experienced it just yet, you may do some day. Weather it's for university, a job in a foreign city, or maybe you'll be married and moved to a different country. It's human nature to look back over our shoulders at the past, whilst still trying to creating memories and moments in the present. Who knows maybe you can relate?
I hope you enjoy it! Any thoughts?
One thing I love to do is create playlists to suit each mood. I love how with every song I hear, I come to imagine a scenario, or even reminisce on the past memory or experience I've had. It's a tool I continue to use as a creative when I'm looking for story inspiration, or even when I need motivation to edit together the pieces I'm putting together. As I'm currently working on a few creative pieces, I thought I'd put together a broken hearted mix to get myself truly in the mindset of heartbreak - the unavoidable side-effect to living life.
Dedicated to all those moments when you feel like your heart is breaking into two, and there is nothing you can do to mend it back together. Like you'll never become whole again.
On this month's challenge on A Year of Happy, the task is to make something that you find beautiful. A challenge that encourages me to be more creative - awesome! I've been keeping a little project of mine underwraps for a while now and I decided this may be the perfect moment to unveil it!
It's only a few weeks left until the possibly last season première of Teen Wolf, excitement is in the air! Especially as MTV released the most gripping, and absolutely terrifying teaser trailer for Season Five. The Doctor will see you now?! What the freaking hell is going on this season?! There are just so many possibilities, so many ways that this season could go. Here are a few theories of what I would love to happen on Teen Wolf...
Aged 24, Matt Haig found himself feeling lost and hopeless, seeing no way he could go on living. Reason To Stay Alive is an account of that journey and how he overcome his struggle from the dark depths of his illness.
I remember stumbling across this book by accident through twitter. I had heard there would be a book signing with Matt Haig - and being an avid book signing attender I thought I'd go. Having the privilege of hearing Matt speak about his novel was pretty much what sold this book to me, and I'm so glad it did. Reasons to Stay Alive is an important non-fictional novel, that gives a preview into one individual's experience of depression and anxiety. To those who've suffered, it provides solace. To those who haven't experienced those troubles, it gives a glimpse into the hardships and struggles others face on a daily bases. I found this book re-enacts that heavy feeling of a weight you can not explain, and yet tells these stories with a hopeful twist for the future. Well worth reading, and definitely one of the must read novels for everybody this year!
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